Thursday, October 18, 2012

A Moment of Innocence

Jaxson met his great grandmother the other day:

It was a truly beautiful moment. I didn’t tell her we were coming out to visit, she has dementia and likely wouldn’t remember, so she was completely surprised! She even cried when she saw him, a rare reaction to witness from my grandmother.

A lot had happened throughout my pregnancy, but if there’s one thing my grandmother never forgot, it was jaxson’s name. Her daughter had passed away and quite often she would forget and call around looking for her, but whenever she phoned me, it was always to see how the pregnancy was going. She’d always talk about how excited she was to see his little shoes, and how even though his name was jaxson, she’d like to call him jimmy… “he just seems like a Jimmy already,” she’d say.

As she held him in her arms, she examined his tiny features and marveled at their beauty. We had decided not to tell her about down syndrome, since she’d likely forget or not quite understand, so I wondered if she’d notice on her own. It was quite the opposite. She couldn’t stop saying how handsome he was, and how handsome he’d be as he got older. According to her, he had perfect lips and the cutest nose she’d ever seen; and his eyes were so wide and beautiful. She just couldn’t stop saying how completely perfect he was and how much he looked like me. She didn’t notice his lower set ears, or almond shaped eyes. She didn’t notice how his tongue is rarely in his mouth or the fat fold on his neck or the gaps in-between his toes. All she saw was a beautiful and perfect little baby. One that was going to “raise hell” a year from now when he started walking and talking and “begging to go to great gammas house.”

It was uplifting. To see the innocence in both her and jax coming together; the beginning of life tied to the end so beautifully. If we would have told her he had down syndrome, it may have ruined that beautiful moment between them. It would have plagued it with questions and concerns, the typical “that’s part of having down syndrome” comments. I’m glad they got to share this moment together. Jax got to meet his great grandmother and for the first time since he’s been born, down syndrome had absolutely nothing to do with it.

He deserved that moment. And so did my grandmother.